Patience: The Art of Growing Longhair

Deciding on becoming a long-haired male is much what I’d imagine deciding to have children is like. It takes time, patience, a large emotional toll, and often several attempts.

To achieve longhair, a hair grower needs to achieve patience first.

Only until recently have I felt I truly achieved the status of a man who “has longhair”. I’d crawled my way through several ‘awkward phases’, in which the “doo” sequentially undergoes:

  • the not-quite-swoopable-behind-the-ears stage
  • the bowl haircut stage
  • the itchy like a mother fucker stage
  • the Jew-fro stage
  • and finally, the stage involving level-headed friends hollowing out your follicular victory by asking “are you sure you want long hair?”

Not saying that it requires one to employ as much patience as caring for a developing child. But just like someone who has never looked after a demanding baby, it would easy to make the mistake of thinking ‘that’d be easy!’

Attempting the art of hair growing has seen many claimed victim at their local barber.

Originally I decided to grow my hair after a simple query of why the fuck do I cut my hair like everyone else?‘. Also, because ‘MTV Unplugged Eddie Vedder’ looked cool as hell and I wanted to emulate.

I decided to let my barber visits lapse, and now my hair is both a symbol of expression and a reminder of achieved patience.

Long hair requires patience, and endurance of social suffering. But the results are usually worth it.
Con Hair.

Nine months ago I took my medium length locks in for an innocent tidy up. The banking system that my employment was aligned to had pretty large reservations about my hair falling over my business shirt collar.. as if like a veil covering a mourner’s face at a funeral.

My barber gave me the most unnoticeable reduction in length, as well as some passionate hair growing advice..

“If you ever give up trying to grow it long, and decide to cut it.. just wait one more month. If you still hate it. Then cut it.”

It seemed to be the divisive factor between winning and losing the battle for growth. And sure enough, not several weeks later, I barged out of my house like a broken down teenager and aimed my walking feet for the barbershop. My roommate’s unsupportive but sage reminder could be heard from behind the slammed door – “one more month!”

And as fait had it arranged, on arrival to my barber on a Sunday morning, the place was packed out. I wouldn’t cut my locks that day. And as this post is written, nor any day that proceeded it.

Growing hair will seem like your progress is non-existent..

After all the average hair growth for a person is a quarter of an inch per MONTH. You’ll measure your front strands to your nose, and about four months later it’ll finally touch your lips.

As if experiencing the same torment from a frigid school crush, you’ll need to apply endearing patience.

It will take a long time for it to look any level of sexy..

You will spend many collective hours pulling frizzy hair back down to your ears, like bringing a helium balloon down from the ceiling and back to a child.

Split ends are common for us un-hair-ducated boys (Like that one? It’s a longhair thing). We easily get that rugged look.. but less ‘The Dude’ rugged and more ‘crazy cat lady’ rugged.

Interaction with women will at times be low and unsuccessful..

Perhaps try to meet girls at outdoor events, country rodeos, or bar mitzvahs. Anywhere that promotes or allows you to wear a hat.

You’ll inevitably want to hide that Amish looking hair spaghetti at times.


But through all of these challenges, poor social treatment and displeasures, you will access an inner strength in yourself after bearing the pains that come with achieving longhaired status.

Some may relate it to stoicism as you will experience deep appreciation when you can rise above the pitfalls associated with a longterm unkempt look.

It’s like a long, drawn out meditation practice. Your mind will drift in and out of awareness of your goal. And by patiently letting nature take its course, you will achieve it.

And if you’re packing it in, and about ready to cut your goal and your hair short.. remember my local hair snipper’s wisdom:

Wait one more month!

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